Mickey is not dreaming of the dead.

( i need to know, to whom do i owe )

I took a week's vacation. My grandmother was sick so I went to visit her and ended up staying for a while. My grandpa was pleased to see the car at least, and see it was doing well. She's doing fine now, she's just resting, but I come back and I see the Oracle has some news for us all.

So food tastes terrible, flowers are wilting and I can't listen to music. It's certainly making rehearsals very interesting, but I can't really tell everybody why music sounds terrible. Oh dear. Sometimes it would be so much easier if everybody knew that when things like this happened, it wasn't just a coincidence.

Still, it's very upsetting. A poor grieving father. I can't imagine what he's feeling and I only hope somebody can make him feel better soon. I hope gods give each other the support mortals do when one of them is in pain.

[Private to Simon]
I didn't know that gods could be killed. Did you? This is [...] interesting.

Berlize was amazing. So many beautiful sights, cute little animals, really fun people to spend time with and it was nice to get away from the city for a while. I do miss it, but it's nice to see other things in the world. If I ever do a world tour of dance, I'll get to see more, which I'm quite excited about. I seem to have tanned, which is nice, I always thought I'd just go red and burn. My grandmother used to use something like factor fifty sunscreen, so I never thought I'd cope in the sun. It turns out I'm not too averse to it. So that's my first good news in this update.

I feel like everything my day to day life is calming down again. I can study, I've been practicing a lot more and a couple of pieces have really improved. The costumes dilemma has been solved when I took them back to my grandma's house, so it means I have room, and the glitter came out of my carpet! It took forever, but it's finally gone. I'm glad, it was beginning to stick to everything. I am a fan of glitter, but too much of a good thing often turns you against it, I think. And I'm excited for Easter! I like the bright colours and the bunnies and all the cute things.

I suppose my final good news is that I saw my grandparents when I came back, for a couple of days. I hadn't seen them for a while. My grandpa surprised me by putting my car into my name, so we're not sharing it anymore. He'd wanted a newer model because he's always loved cars, and I guess it's mine now. It was really lovely of him, but he said he never named her and he always names his cars. Does anybody have any ideas for names?

Last week's performances went really well, and I wanted to thank everybody who came. It was nice to see some friendly faces in the audience. I managed to get through without any injures, which is something new that I was pleased about. Not even any bruises on my feet! Maybe I'm actually getting a little healthier and a little less clumsy. That would be nice, I'm going go to the the doctors and check it out.

I do have one small problem, though. Dance costumes. I have so many now I'm actually running out of room in my closet. I can't decide whether to donate them, send them back home for my grandma to keep (she really likes them, especially the ones with full skirts) or to sell them on. I do want to keep them, some were quite expensive and I hate waste, as I'll probably use them again at some point. My shoes are just so easy to keep in comparison, I can just fold most of them up. Although now it feels like I'm making mountains out of molehills, it's hardly the worst dilemma in the world. i feel like the most selfish person ever

My condolences to Mr Canonici's family. I didn't know him very well, only from here, but he seemed like a really good man. Wherever he is now, I hope he is okay, and I am so sorry for the loss of those close to him. It's such a terrible thing to happen and I hope those who caused such a tragedy are brought justice. And to everybody around the catacombs, please make sure you stay safe. Maybe everybody should be walking around in pairs again, it just seems much safer.

although... the method of the murder really makes me doubt it.

I spent my first ever Spring Break away from my grandparents' house this year, attempting to scrub glitter out of my carpet. It is now mostly gone, although I am starting to appreciate its presence. It just seems more cheerful when I wake up and everything is a little bit sparkly, I guess. Maybe that's really weird, I'm not sure.

I have performances this week. They're Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, with evening and matinee shows. I'm sort of nervous. I'm not graded; a friend is just putting on a night to showcase our chosen styles and what we can do, and so we can perfect our work on stage. I'm performing a solo, which should be an experience. I try very hard to avoid them a lot of the time, so it's going to be interesting to be on a stage on my own for a change. i don't want to pass out

Also, to Luz: do you want to try some more driving lessons? It seems a waste to have a car here when I use it so little. Anybody else who wants to go out in it at some point or could use a ride, let me know? I'm happy to help!


( Private to Ari )

I don't think I like February anymore.

Simon, do you still want some company?



( (private to brady, gus, ari) )

i feel terrible this is an awfully devious way to scout for clues

I hope everybody had a wonderful Valentine's Day although the way things are going, I'm starting to doubt it. It's nice that for one day a year, people can get up the courage to tell people that they care, it's very sweet. I know in high school the guys used to give the girls cute little teddy bears, they were so sweet. Did anybody get anything from a special sweetheart? I'm always excited to hear about these things.

Classes are starting to get hectic again, we're working towards a goal. It's useful to have a time frame, but it means I have to be very careful to warm up properly before classes or I'll hurt myself, and that will do me no favours. I've got a dance recital at the end of February and I'm a little excited about it. It's sort of nice to have something very normal to look forward to. Although I'm still contemplating taking up fencing. It seems to be a very graceful sport, and could be something I'd enjoy. Felix, would you still like to join me? Please say yes. I feel like there's something wrong.

How is February going for everybody? I hope it is better than January, that's for sure.

I am not getting onto a ship for a very, very, VERY long time. Preferably not for a few years unless I am entirely sure that there is no chance of a god deciding to play silly games while I am there or about to get onto it.

Felix and I are alright. Thank goodness. I have used a shower, I have slept properly for the first time in a considerable few days and if I hear anything that sounds like loose change I have to fight the urge to flinch. A positive, however, is that I now know how to hold a cutlass and my wrist was only a little sprained.

I hope everybody is safe. I am not leaving the house for a few days. Although that didn't help me last time.

We've disembarked at last. It's a little wierd being on dry land again but I know at least now we're searching for treasure. One of my wrists feels a little weird from when I tripped leaving the ship, I really hope I haven't hurt it too badly. The medical care here isn't great. JohnFelix and I are doing okay though, I think we learnt a lot about how huge ships worked. And the captain isn't too bad really, he seems like a lovely man. I can't say the same about Long John Silver though. He's [...]strange.

I miss home. I want to go back. I miss everything about it.

I thought things were going to be better this year.

To cut a long story short and one I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing considering what I am seeing, I am on a boat. It's the Hispaniola. I believe we're in the story Treasure Island, and I have never read the book, and I don't quite know what to do to find the heart of the book when I am dressed as a boy and must pretend to be mute to avoid being thrown overboard. I wasn't expecting this of a Monday.

Thankfully, Felix is here, so there are two of us. Is everybody else okay? Is there anything that we need to be worried about apart from the obvious, or that you do? Help.

There is a debate that occurs on occasion; whether the film version of a musical can ever possibly be better than the stage production. I think the video above sort of solves the argument for one musical immediately.

I've been helping to choreograph a routine using this music for a classmate, just for fun. We create combinations because we like to quite often, not because we have to. Admittedly, it means our real schoolwork is pushed a little to the side, but we do have class time in which to catch up on it. Dances like the tango are the only ones I don't really feel I perform well, but it's always fun to choreograph for them. Being an outside eye for something can be very rewarding.

In my opinion? The film Chicago is far better than the stage production, but only because the idea of juxtaposing musical performance with scenes from a prison and courtroom works much better on camera. Both can work independently, but when asked to choose, the sheer magnitude of the production in the film version of Chicago makes it so much better. I could watch that film all day.

Happy New Year to everybody, I hope you had a wonderful time celebrating. For me, I've discovered something. Nobody ever tells you that drinking is a horrific idea until it's too late. Surely I would've realised this by now, but as a teenager all you are told is that alcohol is a cool thing that adults can drink. All it does for me is give me a headache. It's very foolish of me to drink so much. I have an entire routine to work on by the start of term and I haven't even started. Today, however, I plan on sitting on my couch with a blanket eating icecream and watching movies until late. I feel like I'm allowed today, as a special treat to myself. Plus my good jazz shoes are in the store being repaired, so I can't really practice anything.

Sorry to all I missed over the Christmas period. I spent it with my family in Rhode Island. We had a great time, and I feel privileged to be a part of such a close family.

I need to go and pick up my grandfather's car. I fear that I am still over the legal limit. Somehow, I feel this was not my best idea.

Private to Luz
Happy New Year's. :) How was it?

Christmas seems to have crept up on me this year. I'm usually quite prepared for this kind of holiday, but it just seems like this year has gone quickly. I finally feel as if I've settled in to living in New York. I'm only staying at home for a small amount of time, I feel like I might not be so welcome need some time on my own for a while.The studios stay open for most of the time anyway, so I can continue to practice. There are a couple of performances coming up in January/February, one organised by a friend of mine for charity and I've been asked to perform.

I've been ill again, so I've been gone for a while. I'm always far more ill in the winter, it can get fairly irritating, particularly when I'm meant to be in class. It's terribly difficult to dance when you can barely breathe, and I miss it. I've been spending my time Christmas shopping instead. Christmas shopping is so very difficult now. I'm not very good at using a computer, so the idea of attempting not to bump into people while they run around for presents is enough to make me grab a blanket, make hot chocolate and refuse to leave the house for a week.

Final thought of the day. I want to see New Year's Eve at the movies. Anybody want to join me? I have a coupon.

It's almost impossible for us to have a normal week in NYC, isn't it? This type of thing never used to happen to me at home, I'm certain of that. Does your average citizen have this trouble in a city or is it just us of the demi-god variety? I'm sure whoever let the sins out didn't mean to, and I hold no grudges whatsoever (everybody makes mistakes) but I would just like a week where nothing odd happened. After my behaviour this week, I nearly had an intervention staged for me by my tutors, particularly after my behaviour with some of the men of the course. I don't think I could be more embarrassed.

Lottie, I cannot thank you enough. I'm baking cookies for you right now. Chocolate chip, cherry or both?

So, everything has calmed down now. The zombies have gone. The vampires have gone. We've all stopped trying to kill each other. I escaped from the most terrifying moment of my life completely unscathed, which I'm... pleased about. That's really the only way to describe it. And all of my friends are alive and well.

The flu is still here, but that was always going to stay. It's winter, I am naturally predisposed to be unwell around this time of year. And the dead are at peace, or can at least search for it now, and I am happy for them, I swear. They can see their loved ones now, and move onto the next place they need to be. My head should be okay. The end of all of this should have fixed that.

And yet I don't feel satisfied at all.

I've been ...gone. For a while. Classes take it out of me, and I've been doing a lot of choreography recently. Occasionally, I think I can be like a normal person and nothing . Then people started appearing in my classes who shouldn't have been there, and while I don't mind their presence, I feel like they're taking over everything. Then again, I really shouldn't ignore people, it's very rude of me. I'll try harder to balance all the important things in my life.

I suppose I'm back for good now.

My friends all seem restless. I keep seeing them everywhere, and I have this horrible sense that at the moment, I just can't help them. I don't know what to do. A few days ago, somebody provided me with an answer, and as much as I'm grateful, the cost is greater than I'd imagined. I suppose I should expect this now.

Long story short: I've stopped sleeping. Any other insomniacs out there in this climate?

I decided not to use such a gory little piece of information in this journal; I think the last one probably made a few people think I was a little odd. This seemed to be a more cheerful subject, so I thought I'd pick this one.

I like good music videos. Not interesting ones, not ones that have some kind of message. Good music videos. They can be interesting, they can have a message; I just don't like bleakness without purpose. If it's well done, I'll still watch it. Example of a terrible music video: Everytime by Britney Spears. It's not romantic, it's upsetting and it seems to think it's a really nice thing. I watched it last night again, and it still makes me unhappy to see it.

This video is so much better, I watched it to cheer me up. I like looking at choreography in dance-heavy videos. I like to think this is one of the most romantic songs of the current day, with an excellent example of a video that matches the tone of the song. Me and a couple of friends tried to replicate it one summer, and we could never get the precision just right. I want to try it again at some point; I think I could probably do it now. Or at least, try and create something similar.

I need to find more videos for inspiration now. The search continues.

I shall never be a ballet dancer.

It is a difficult discipline, but a beautiful one. It was the first type of dance I ever tried. Grandma sent me to a class when I was eight, and I never stopped going. I did exams, I conditioned, I'm actually quite good at it now. I was part of an ensemble in the showcase last year at school, and I helped choreograph the ballet section. It was really amazing. I just don't ever think I could pick ballet as my career.

Emma Livry was one of the last great dancers of the Romantic Ballet era. She was the illegitimate daughter of a dancer and a baron (a necessity in a beautiful, tragic story) and she trained with the Paris Opera Ballet. That was a big thing then, Paris was huge. Paris is still huge, but in the 1800s it was huge, huge. The stage was dangerous back then though. The lights were very hot, and usually gas lights. Emma was like most dancers; she refused to wear flame-proofed skirts because they were ugly. They were ugly, but if she'd worn one she wouldn't have caught fire one day. She suffered for months and then died from septicaemia from third-degree burns.

I think the worst part is that her teacher rubbed greasepaint into the wounds to save her. She thought it would help close them quickly. The thing is, that only made things worse and that's why she suffered so much. The wounds wouldn't close properly. Her teacher was the one that really killed her. And Honestly, I don't know whether she did it to save her or just to reduce scarring with some old wives' tale, I've heard some ballet teachers do awful things to keep their girls in practice. One of the women at Juillard is a witch. She enjoys making conditioning into a torture; sometimes I get up afterwards and I think I won't be able to walk.

It's not that that makes me think I'll never be a ballet dancer though. Not any of those things. You don't really need flame proof skirts now, and my teachers tend to be kind old souls so I have no real issue with them. Besides, people die all the time. Dying doing something you love sounds like something I wouldn't mind doing. I'm just not that committed to one style of dance. Ballet dancers tend to stick with one style and be principled. I just don't have that kind of rigidity in me. I would miss tap. I would miss jazz. I would even miss street dance, even if their classes at school are all ridiculously rowdy. I like to keep my options open, I suppose. Life wouldn't be fulfilling if you closed every other door than the one you took. Grandpa taught me that.

I'm Mickey. I'm a dancer at Juillard. I like romantic films, music and dancing, which should be obvious. I guess this is me saying hey. Hey.

( credit where it's due )